I am a loyal follower of Jack in the Crack. Maybe it’s my American blood, which is clogged with fat and chloresterol and pulses weakly in my veins, but I love a shitty, cheap hamburger.
A dollar. How can you fight that, Carl’s? With quality? Sorry, if I wanted quality, I’d make it myself. I want fast, cheap, limp with sauce and juicy with tainted meat. When it comes to hamburgers, you can’t make it too disgusting for this American.
Jack’s Teryaki bowls, however…
My meat was green. Like, not moldy, not green with chemical, but translucent and shimmery green, like the shiny scales on a fish. But this was not fish! It must be alien meat. Little green men meat. Looking closer, I saw lots of gristle and what looked like tubes of mini intenstine–probably martian veins. It tasted weird, too– like a steak-flavored Sharpie or something. But I am broke and it was cheap, and my stomach said “Fuck it! You drink Colonix every morning! This can’t be any worse than the wet catlitter (with faint banana flavor) taste!”
So I ate the bugger.
I’m blaming myself for this, Jack. As an American, I have been trained to never look so close at what I’m eating. And in the future, I’ll eat your cheap shit burgers with my eyes closed, and avoid everything else on the menu. Your Asian background scares me.
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