Today, I was sitting watching online porn instead of doing comic panels like I should be, and I reflected on the time I met the so-called King of Cum.
Living in Orange County and SoCal itself, it’s hard to not meet celebrities. They’re everywhere. The irony is that celebs are such a big deal here, but outside of this curtain, no one gives a shit. But you should give a shit about Peter North. I know I do. And that was even before I met him in person.
I used to work at Laguna Culinary Arts, but I quit recently because I discovered how incapable I am of tolerating cruelty from Chefs and Management. Before that, backtrack a year or so, and there I am, serving mousse to Mr. North and trying to avoid his insanely drunk girlfriend, whom I also recognized from the “Mystery Woman” cum shot photos from his website. (HA!!) I was a little conflicted because I was in the presence of a man who is famous for shooting semen like you’d throw a bucket of water, but I didn’t want to lose my job by striking up a fan-based conversation.
He never spoke. I remember that. Stoic as a totem pole, and from what I’ve seen on Redtube, also hung like one. Personality-wise, it was like he was a meat puppet, his girlfriend with clenched, smiling teeth and the hand up his ass (You pervert! I was talking about puppeteers!) his puppet master. She said things like “My boyfriend wants more pork, give me all the pork you have,” and “My boyfriend wants the salt” and “My boyfriend wants to order two more bottles of wine.” ALL NIGHT. It wasn’t until she was so drunk she locked herself in the bathroom and he’d lost his servant that he managed to get out of his seat, walk over to the cheese counter, and grab shit out of it. My friend DJ and I intercepted, because that shit is like $100 a slice moose milk brie from Sweden or something and since it wasn’t included with his cooking class and meal, he’d have to pay for it. His response was, “Why the fuck should I?”
Awww. What a cuddle. (Though, in person, he never smiles. Only weaklings with little peepees smile.)
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