Cat Adoption Idiots–RANT

It all started when my completely thrifty and non-indulgent dad admitted to me that he’s wanted to own a Maine Coon cat for years, and having drawn his name at the family Christmas drawing, I decided it would be the perfect gift.

I figured I would locate a Maine Coon Rescue group, and find an orphaned kitten to bring home. My family is incredibly devoted to their animals: We have taken in ferals and strays since I was a little girl, and in the way that all pets should go, loved them dearly until they grew old and passed away. 

I contacted an organization called Maine Coon Rescue Agency. I filled out a lengthy eight page adoption paper, wrote the required short essays and short answers, and then allowed them to run a background check. I figured this was a little intense, but still professional. I put down references, phone numbers, the name of our vet, my parents’ names, etc. on the form. They asked for a phone interview. 

I had an hour long interview with a lady named Jennifer. I told her about our existing elderly cat Topeka, how isolated our home was (in the Calistoga hills, quiet and peaceful) and how loving the family would be. She said it sounded good, and she’d get back to me. 

Then all hell broke loose. 

In a matter of three days, Maine Coon Agency (MCA) called all my references (including my boyfriend, who told me about it since I didn’t know they would do that) and given them all hour long interviews, then called my vet, and gave him an hour long interview. Then they called my mother, and gave her an hour long interview, and then told her they would not let me adopt a kitten unless A) IT WAS INDOOR ONLY B) TOPEKA THE EXISTING CAT BECAME INDOOR ONLY C) TOPEKA WAS GIVEN $400 WORTH OF EXTRA PRECAUTION FELINE-IMMUNITY VACCINATIONS (Which is completely unnecessary because Topeka never sees other cats) D) THEY COME AND SEE THE HOUSE/PROPERTY and E) IF THE ORGANIZATION EVER STOPS BY UNANNOUNCED AND WE ARE NOT HOME BUT THE CAT IS ALONE, IT IS CONSIDERED “ABANDONMENT” AND THEY WILL CONFISCATE IT AND GIVE IT TO SOMEONE ELSE “BETTER SUITED”. Also, the “Adoption Fee” for a Maine Coon Rescue kitten under 6 months is $150. 

Insane, scary crazy cat ladies. Still, I went along with it, and pressured my mother to get Topeka the worthless immunizations. She rebelled in the usual way and said no and stopped answering the phone, but when Jennifer sent me 8 EMAILS and 3 VOICEMAILS—

“We can’t get your approval from the board because the vet wont return our calls, we wanted to ask him more questions.”

“Would you be willing to consider declawing Topeka?”

“We can’t get hold of your mother, you do it for us.”

“Your mother told us we were making you ‘Jump Through Hoops’. We are not. That was rude of her to say. Please ask her not to say that again.”

—I couldn’t take the pressure anymore and took care of it myself. 

Then Jennifer, suddenly nice again, tells me to go to Petfinder and start looking up kittens I’m interested in, and contact the foster families for more information, maybe go visit them, and start narrowing down my decisions. I do. “Hello, I’m interested in your kitten So and So, can you tell me more about him? Is he neutered? Does he use his litterbox? How old is he exactly?”

MCA freaks out. 

“You aren’t approved yet!!! You can’t email us! Don’t ask us questions, you aren’t allowed.” WHAT?

It’s been two months now, and late November. I don’t have much time until Christmas. MCA is wasting my time, and I was totally willing to jump through hoops to help a little kitten find a good home, but this is making me angry with how incompetent and rude these people are. 

So I start going to shelters. Up and down the coast, I went to two in berkeley, two in San Francisco, three in Oakland, two in Santa Ana, two in Irvine, one in Laguna Beach, one in Mission Viejo, two in Glendale, one in Van Nuys, one in Los Angeles, one in Costa Mesa… and all the kittens are too sick, too old, too aggressive, come in pairs only, already on reserve, or more than 200 dollars. Almost none of them are Maine Coons anyway. 

So I make a note to continue checking back every week (Apparently new kittens come in every week, and only last about a day before they’re adopted?) and meanwhile I check Craigslist. No Maine Coon kittens under $300. No Maine Coon mixes under 4 months old. Then I find a few, and I quickly email them as well as email them. 

I get a call back. They only ask me one question: “Do you have any other cats?” I tell them I have one 10 year old, and a kitten would be great company. They tell me they won’t “adopt” me a kitten because they won’t work well with an older cat. I’m confused as to why not, and I try to tell her that my adult cat has lots of energy, and the bitch sneers that it’s not “kitten energy”. She says, “Your old cat will get stressed and die and then the kitten will be alone.” Then she hangs up. 

I get a call back from someone else. This time, it’s “How many kittens were you looking to adopt?” I say one. They actually laugh and say they will NEVER (EMPHASIS) adopt out a solitary kitten, and it’s a stupid idea, because then the kitten will be alone. I say, “I’ll be there. I’m adopting a kitten with the intention of giving it lots of attention.” The bitch says, “Are you employed?” I say no, not currently. She says, “Then you can’t support a kitten.” Then I quickly say that my parents have good jobs. She says, “Then they’ll be gone and at work and not have time to spend with the kitten. (pause) NO.” And hangs up! 

I am willing to fill out your stupid paperwork, do your stupid interviews, get my current cat stupid shots, travel over 800  miles to visit shelter after shelter, get background checks and vets and references, have you check out my house, and even pay $200 DOLLARS FOR A FUCKING RESCUE ANIMAL but I am not good enough? I am not worthy? Did you worthless sacks of human waste know that I used to WORK at a fucking animal rescue shelter, and spent 3 years raising feral kittens and finding them homes? I was never so cruel to friendly, kind potential pet owners. I valued the time and effort they put in to take a stray into their home. Most of the time, we even lowered the adoption fee for great pet owners. 

 

I think I know what I have to do. I have to lie. I have no current cats, I own my own home, I am self-employed and stay in my house 24/7 and spend every dime on my kitten. I eat ice cubes and lint for dinner because I spent every cent on gourmet catfood, toys, and carpet-covered climbing treehouses. I am my potential kitten’s slave. I can’t even afford toothpaste and my teeth will soon rot and fall out, but my kitten has great teeth because she gets them cleaned professionally once a month. 

FUCK YOU CAT LADIES FOR DESTROYING MY HONESTY AND GOOD INTENTIONS. I hope you burn in hell for treating people this way… just because you want to keep all the cats for yourself. (You know it’s true!)

 

BAH!